Have you ever been to me?

I used to be argumentative. There you go, an irreproachable confession. That's my opinion at least; some people (I wish I haven't known) would probably say under their breath, "You ignorant plebe, you still are!". To that I say, we are talking about a whole perception spectrum and I have gone through the whole gamut here: chili red to deadmen grey here. I was chili red but now I am baby orange argumentative.

I digress. I used to argue so much that my flatmates in Sydney once gave me a poster for my birthday. It says something like 'Dear God, "Please help those poor sods to know what you and I already know, that I am always RIGHT!"'. Well, that was the story of my life, even though I swear I was right 95% of the time. :-) The poster is long gone but in those days, it hangs proudly on the entrance to my room.

What brought about the change, you may ask? Well, I can trace this back to 1991 when I was back working in KL and Desert Storm was just brewing in the Middle East. Of course that was the talk of the year and we were discussing this amongst the colleagues. What was super clear to me then was that Iraq invaded Kuwait, and Saddam must be forced to withdraw. No matter how we argued, some colleagues of mine just thought that the west, primarily USA, was wrong and that it was more USA against Islam (even though Kuwait was Islamic). They believe it fervently with all their heart. Secretly, I wish that it was the Arab League who did the posturing and attacking, just to prove them wrong. :-P

It suddenly dawned on me the fruitlessness of the situation. We cannot change people's opinion on certain issues by arguing. When emotive issues are involved, people will always be painted by their prejudices, upbringing and social values. Heated arguments are counter-productive. We are wasting our time here if we think we can harangued our way through in these situations. There and then, I envy those who have the calm and peace to discuss things levelheadedly and persuasively.

This revelation has served me well since then. I have learnt to pull myself away from explosive situations most times, albeit reluctantly. I think that the older one get, the more obstinate and vindictive one gets and the more irrational we get when we get into arguments. The quarrels of youth and adolescence are soon forgotten and forgiven; the quarrels of adults are spiteful and remembered, often engraved and then propagated into silly vendettas that sometimes cross-infect close associates and relatives.

I know this for I have experienced these irrational quarrels and vindictiveness in my close circle of friends and relatives. I try to resolve these situations but I have not been always fruitful. In yesteryears, I would have aggravated the situation, but now I understand their positions and I normally slunk away silently muttering a prayer that closely reiterates that poster that was given to me years ago in Sydney......